Ever since I made the decision to share enough of my story to open myself up to people, things started changing mightily. I have come into contact with people from all over the globe and I have shared in prayers with hurting sheep all over. I have names and faces to go with some seriously heavy burdens, including names and faces in areas of the world that are under the threat of violence with every passing second.
I had no idea, not one clue, that sitting at my computer to pour my heart out could lead to so many new faces and allow me to run right into God in a way I have not experienced.
My heart is very heavy and my prayers have taken taken some twists and turns that morphed into something new.
Each person that took the time to reach out to me has become implanted in my heart through prayer. I have heard and read about fears, doubts, shame, guilt, and pain stemming from a variety of causes. This kind of global networking was something I did not anticipate when I started all of this and I have had to dig more deeply into scripture and God about it.
We have all watched the news and have a vague idea of what is happening all over the world, but when you make contact with the hearts of people who are actually living in the environment the rest of us do not understand…well, there are no words.
People in this country are suffering. People in other countries are suffering. I’ve suffered. You have suffered. While there is no comparison when it comes to suffering, I cannot help but be grateful that I am safe to sit in front of my computer or sit and watch the Twilight Zone with my sweetheart. Sure, I have experienced quite a lot and have been through a lot. But, I am beginning to awaken to the fact that I have been and am way beyond blessed in spite of my ‘uglies’.
There are people in this country who are homeless, lost, and hurting greatly and desperate for a kind Face. There are people in other countries who are in grave danger and are desperate for a Hero.
It has me asking myself what my faith really looks like. Am I doing enough? Am I still too worried about my own self to look out and see that others are in dire need? Will my self-focus hinder my ability to walk in the kind of love that God needs me to?
Where do I fit into all of this?
These are heavy questions. These are questions I am grateful to be asking myself right now. My perspective is shifting into what feels like brand new sight and brand new sound. I do not want to go back to change or undo what I am doing on this blog. I am going to keep running the race set out before me. Yet, I cannot help but feel that the winds are changing course and hearts are being prepared to go out into the storms and reach people.
I do not know where I am going or what I am doing. But, I don’t care so much about that as I care about whether or not I am going and doing with God.
I asked God to show me what dying to myself in Christ actually means on a grander scale. What does this concept actually look like in the deep down?
I am not sure if the answers will come, but right now I am setting aside my concerns to contemplate my priorities and the desires of my heart. I am dedicating my weekend to prayer and meditation over the wounded souls I have come into contact with.
I cannot be opened up to the lives of so many different people and not be moved to change. I cannot walk away from the door that has been opened. I feel as if I would be doing God a great dishonor if my heart does not conform to His completely. If I come up with the answers to all of these heavy thoughts on my heart, I will gladly open up about it. I am just not so sure there are any easy answers and I am very uncertain what this all means to me.
Since I am helpless to actually do anything else right now, I would like to invite you to pray with me today…
Thank you for the opportunity to connect with people from all walks of life. I lift up each person I have connected with and give them to You right now. You know every need. You know every heart. You know every face. You know every name. You know what the road ahead entails. You know what the dangers and burdens are. Please show the wounded and scared souls the kind of mercy and grace I myself have received from You. Please lavish Your love and care upon those who are so desperate for You.
Help me to set myself aside and carry these burdens with You in prayer and in love. Show me how to help the Shepherd tend to His flock, even in the areas that are seemingly insignificant. You know how huge the smallest act of love can grow.
Please bless all missionaries, emergency personnel, authorities, federal and government agencies, ministries, and churches that are facing these storms to reach out to the lost and wounded.
Thank You for being Elohei khol-Nechamah – the God of all Comfort and Esh Okhlah – our Consuming Fire.