A letter to my 14 year-old self, inspired by a beautiful soul….
As you remove the missing posters with your face on it from locations all over the city, remember this: although some will not understand or even know what you just went through, God saw it all. He witnessed everything and grieved. He is going to bring people across your path one day and they will begin to fill in the missing pieces. They will bear witness to what Heaven saw. God will do this just for you. He will do this so that you can finally be free from the emotional and mental torment. He will do this to cleanse you from it and reveal how very real His presence has always been in your life.
I know you want to run away and hide somewhere and, indeed, you will succeed in doing so. You will leave home. You will alienate yourself and build a giant wall. You will reject God and deny Him. You will fall into some deep pits and your foot will become ensnared in some traps that were set out before you. You will wrestle mightily with all of the things you cannot see. You may have given up on yourself and tried to accomplish the unthinkable act, but God never gave up on you and never will. Hold on. Do not give up and do not let go. Most importantly, just keep breathing. God has a plan and it is to bring you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
You will rise from the ashes wielding a mighty Sword. Your heart will be softened and grow large and wide, full of His love and love for others. You will sow compassion and kindness. You will sow seeds that will flourish and bloom into mighty gardens of delicious fruit. Your tears have watered those seeds, so take heart! Even if you are rejected by others, God is upholding you with His righteous Right Hand (Isaiah 41:10). Do not give up. And, most of all, just keep breathing no matter badly you may want to let go. He has been watching over you since before you were even born and He holds the scales of justice in His Right Hand. Give it all to Him and allow His will to be accomplished. And, remember: some of the most beautiful spirits have been the most wounded and broken simply because the Lord is so close to them (Psalm 34:18).
That cute boy who is about to break your heart will come back to you as a man, at your side, bearing witness to all that the Lord has done. You will have two beautiful children together and sow even more good seeds that will bear much fruit. So, hold on. Keep breathing. Your path is not an easy one and it is a path that few can navigate. Your Bridegroom has given you strength and He is your rear guard, so keep placing one foot in front of the other. He is waiting for you at the end of this road with open arms. He will dry every tear and right each and every wrong as you stand beside Him and witness.
Trust in Him and just breathe and keep on breathing.
Your 40 year-old self
PS – Don’t forget to breathe…
This post appears in the book: Shattered in Him © 2016 JD Mays