I am cheating again, because of time factors. So, here is another round up of previous posts you may have missed…
I believe we have all experienced the painful rejection of those we care about. From the phone calls that go unanswered, to the unanswered texts, to the empty emails, and a general lack of encouragement on all fronts…we all know very well the sting of ‘abandonment’ when we are seeking to connect or our hearts are in need of comfort.
Sometimes it feels as if we knock and knock and knock on someone’s door and they just do not open it.
There were days when I would have the car keys in my hands and be unable to move past the front door without some serious pep-talking involved. There were days when the pep-talks did not work. Shame hovers like a suffocating, dark cloud in the presence of such a disorder; shame over the causes and shame that you feel so set apart from everyone you love. You walk around longing to connect, yet you feel too distant to reach the connection. It is heartbreaking, embarrassing, and humiliating for anyone to have to live that way.
During a particularly painful era of my life, when I was sincerely seeking God, I had been attending a church with some very kind people and finally felt brave enough to reach out for prayer. During the course of it all, I was asked if I had received the Holy Spirit. I was a little confused by the question, because I naturally assumed that if I knew Jesus then the Spirit of God was with me. I even voiced as much.
I was told that I had not received the Holy Spirit if I was not speaking ‘in tongues’.
Each person that took the time to reach out to me has become implanted in my heart through prayer. I have heard and read about fears, doubts, shame, guilt, and pain stemming from a variety of causes. This kind of global networking was something I did not anticipate when I started all of this and I have had to dig more deeply into scripture and God about it.